


The Fool

by speakingofalice



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Don wants to fix everything, Leo wants to save everyone, Mikey is Mikey, Other, Raph gets angry, Raph has a bad mouth, leo gets hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 15:39:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4441562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakingofalice/pseuds/speakingofalice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What a fool, what a damn fool; jumping in aft'a me into a fight that we were outnumbered in, taking a knife to the side that was meant for my neck, getting kicked into the wall 'cause I wasn't fast enough to stop the moron from kickin' him. He was a fool. He shouldn't have tried to save me, the idiot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fool

**Author's Note:**

> Baaaaaad language ahead!

It bubbled and manifested, it tore through me like fire engulfing dry leafs. It salivated inside of my body until I was pissed as hell and ready to spit fire. I could imagine it like lava meshing around inside o'me, sloshing at the tips ready to blow and destroy an entire village. I shouldn't be this mad, this angry. Nothin' had really happened to set me off like this.

Well, nuttin' happened to me anyways.

But it doesn't matter what got my blood boiling 'cause now I'm pissed. Beyond pissed actually.

The smug I-know-all, Teachers Pet, great and mighty  _Leonardo_  thinks he so good. He thinks he can just walk all over me 'cause he's the Leader, thinks he can save my ass all the time 'cause he's the Leader.

Leader, yeah, maybe when we was kids but not now, not anymore.

I don't need no fucking Leader grabbin' my shoulder an' pullin' me back tellin' me to wait. I don't need no fucking Leader jumping in front o'me to take a knife I couldn't see comin' for my neck.

Nah, I don't need that, that ain't my style, that's not how I roll.

And anyways, it was a stupid plan he had: wait, don't charge in, look for threats first, analyze the situation, have a stick shoved up your ass so far you can't bend over, keep quiet.

That was just like Fearless too. Hurry up an' get to'da place where people are stealing shit then wait. Wait to see what fucking happens. Hurry up and fucking wait!

The threats were right there dammit! An' they were getting all the stuff outta that store faster'n Mike plowing through a bag of chips!

There was no more waiting, no more looking for threats. I had a plan of attack already: attack.

Yeah, yeah stupid Iron Man reference so what? Sue me, I don't care. The point is I had an awsome ass plan of just charging in but Fearless Leader decided that No. He,  _Leonardo_ , the greatest fucking ninja turtle of all time ordered me to say. He had whispered, "No, Raphael, we have to wait. There might be more guys and we're already outnumbered." Or some stupid ass shit like that.

Out numbered my ass! I could take on ten o'those thugs wit' one sai and hand tied behind my shell for Christ's sake!

An also - side fact - I hate the way he used my full name, like he's some sort'a God or some shit like that.

Yeah, I know I said shit like that twice, so? This is my damn story, I'm gonna say it the way I say it.

Anyways, back to the God awful use of my full name.

Raphael, Raphael, Raphael. Damn fool, calling on the power of full names as if that would stop me from charging inta' a rumble with some gang bangers.

An' I love a good rumble.

I love it when they take out their chains, as if a little bit o'metal can stop my sai from slicing them through.

I like it when they take out their brass knuckles, as if they can hurt me with thick metal wrapped around their weak and puny hands.

I like it when they spit on my cause I spit back and lemme tell ya; when I spit back I use my teeth. Yeah, I've bitten a few Dragons, so? I got short range weapons that make me need to bring the enemy in close. If they - on occasion - get too close and make the unfortunate decision to bite me well then, Hell hath no fury then that of myself charging aft'a them with a thirst for blood.

'Cause thats me, Hamato Raphael, resident badass…

Damn Purple Dragon idiots.

Damn idiots thinking this is their turf an' they can just walk around like they own the block.

Damn Fearless jumping in front of that knife.

You had to be noble, didn't ya? You just had to save my damn life, didn't ya? All that training and stupid talk about honor got you real far didn't it? Got you all the way into my arms as I'm carrying yer heavy shell back to the Lair.

"Keep pressure on his side, Raph," Donnie warns me.

"I am Donnie! I ain't no idiot!" I snarl feeling fire on my tongue. I can feel the rage I'd pent up starting to seep through.

Donnie doesn't even flinch at my harsh tone, he's used to it. He knows I'm just scared. But all the same, I put more pressure on his right side, like I said; I ain't no fool.

Fearless, he's the fool, the damn fool.

Fearless had a cut - or was it called a slice, stab? - ah Hell, I don't give a damn. The thug with the knife had tried to stab me coming up on my blind side while I was fighting other thugs.

Leonardo, the damn fool, had jumped in front to take the blow.

What an idiot, what a fool.

Alright, well maybe he wasn't the damn fool, maybe  _I_ was the damn fool but Goddammit, he shouldn't've charged in front o'dat blade anyways. He shouldda just let it run me through like I deserved.

Maybe I'm the idiot, leading my brothers into a trap like that.

How was I suppost'a know they had more thugs inside the building looting the place? How was I suppost'a know there were a shit ton more than twenty gangbangers like we had seen before jumping down into the ally ready to play hero? I didn't know the Purple Dragons could just melt outta'da shadows like the damn assassins that tried to off the Damiyo during the Battle Nexus all those years ago.

Maybe Fearless wasn't the damn fool; maybe I'm the damn fool.

Dammit.

 _This is stupid, he shouldn't be out cold!_ I growl to myself while I carry Fearless in my arms like a baby back to the Lair. Mikey had already run ahead to warn Splinter and prepare the infirmary. Don is turned around facing me, walking backwards through the sewer sludge and is working on patching up Fearless's wounds, battle feild patch up, that's what I call it.

He shouldn't be unconscious because it was only a stab to the side. Course the punch to the face right after being stabbed might've contributed to the fact he's out... also the fact that after he was punched the thug kicked him in'ta the wall where he slammed his head.

I can feel a bloody smirk slide across my face as I remember the feeling of my weapons entering flesh, the sound of breath wheezing out of that gangsters mouth so fast he blew on my face. It smelled distinctly of beer and stale cigarette smoke. The thug that tried to kill me and ended up hurting Fearless wouldn't be thugging around no more.

The smirk quickly fades when I feel Donnie shift Fearless's head up to examine the scrape and bump that I know is covering the back of his head, though I don't look down to look at him. I don't want to look at him. I know he hit his head so I know how he probably looks: pale, lifeless.

I can feel the way he's limp in my arms. His head lulls against my arm as I walk and I can feel - actually feel - the swollen lump on the back of his head with my bicep.

He shouldn't have tried to save me.

What a fool.

Then he gets kicked into the wall so hard I could have sworn I heard his skull crack.

What a damn fool.

"Fearless is gonna have a damn good headache when 'e wakes up," I grumble shifting his weight in my arms. You know, for being the leanest turtle outta all'a us he's fucking heavy. Or, maybe he isn't heavy, maybe I just don't wanna think about the fact that my arm has blood dripping down it.

I stop in my tracks, I didn't even know I got nicked!

Donnie stops walking backwards and looks at me with his face screwing into a look that just screams annoyance.

"Don, I'm bleeding," I hiss at him. Suddenly I'm scared shitless. I don't look down, I don't wanna look at Fearless, I just stare straight ahead of me but I can feel it - it's warm. Warm blood is running down my fucking arm! I don't feel hurt, what the hell is wrong with me?

But I ain't gonna freak out like a freaking girl or nothing. I ain't no whiny shit, but shit, there's so much blood and I don't even feel hurt or nothin' at all!

Nothing hurts. What the hell?

Donnie gently grabs Fearless's head and moves aside his bloody blue bandana tails. "The bloods not yours, Raph. Now come on we have to get home. These pressure bandages won't last forever," he mumbles refusing to look up at me, not that he could even see me anyway, the sewer was so dim.

He then grabs hold of my arm with strength I didn't know he had. His grip is like iron as he latches onto me and pulls me an' Fearless forward through the dirty sewers.

I stutter, what the hell was I supposed to do? His blood is all over my Goddamned, nicely toned, green arm!

Jesus Christ... Fearless is worse off than I thought.

But I collect myself, I'm a tough guy dammit and he's a fool. A damned fool, he should'nt've jumped in front of me, fool.

I stand there for a second longer still refusing to look down at Fearless, I  _don't_  want to look at him.

Then naturally, like the calm and stealthy ninja I am, I start running back to the Lair while still holding Fearless close to my chest.

What a fool. What a damn fool. Jumping in aft'a me into a fight that we were outnumbered in, taking a knife to the side that I didn't see coming, Getting kicked into the wall 'cause I wasn't fast enough to stop the moron from kickin' him.

By the time I reach the door to the Lair Mike already has it opened and is waiting. He stays silent as I shuffle past and head to the infirmary, Don is five steps ahead o'me.

I place Fearless gently on the bed still refusing to look at him. I turn around to pull a chair close to his bedside when I see Mike standing in the doorway.

Mikey's a good kid, he's got a good smile. Sure, sometimes it's pained and painted on only for show and yeah, sometimes his laughter sounds more like a bark through a grin that doesn't quite meet his eyes but shit, he's still a good kid.

Annoys the hell outta me, but a good kid.

He ain't no fool, no fucking fool like Fearless.

He didn't stupidly jump into the way of a knife coming for my side but that's just 'cause he's a good kid. He ain't stupid.

And he didn't see the guy coming for me, he'd been too busy fighting his own Dragons - just like Donnie.

I give Mikey a smile that I know doesn't reach my eyes but I don't give a shit, I'm trying to comfort him at least. That's more than Fearless is doing, he's just laying on his hospital bed, limp, 'cause he's an idiot, a damn fool.

I don't look at Fearless as Donnie stitches the back of his head. I don't look at him while Mikey grabs his hand and begs for him to be okay, the idiot. Mike should know by now ol'Fearless is an immortal.

Fearless'll live forever.

Right?

But still I don't look at him while Donnie finishes wrapping his head in goz, stupid goz that's so white ya can see all the dirt on Fearless's face.

Though, I wouldn't know if his face is dirty, or sweaty or bloody 'cause I ain't lookin' at him.

If I don't look anything's possible.

After about an hour Mikey leaves, that's okay - it's late - almost three in the morning and he's a good kid. He'll probably go up to bed and lay there for hours wondering why Fearless was such an idiot. Or, he'll lay on his bed reading a comic that he's read a thousand-an-three times just so he don't gotta think about how stupid I am for not watching my own back.

Splinter stays a while longer just meditating over by the mat near Fearless's bed. He opens his eyes near 3:45am and grabs his wooden cane then hoists himself to his feet. He whispers his good nights - even though it's morning – an' puts his hand on Blue Boys head for a few minutes.

At least, that's what I think he's doing. I don't know. I ain't looking at Fearless.

After a few he takes his leave and tells us he'll be back in a few hours to check on him.

Donnie constantly checks on tiny numbers on his computer screen and fixes IV lines that he already fixed five minutes ago. He's restless and tired. I can see worry lines that match Fearless's perfectly. Worry lines cross his face every time he looks at Little Boy Blue's bed.

I don't know why he's so worried but I ain't lookin' at Fearless to find out.

Soon, I tell Donnie he should go to bed, I'll take care of ol' Fearless Leader. He looks at me with his face screwed into that way it gets when he's thinking real hard. I tell him that it okay, that I'll take care of him though, I don't really know how I will - I ain't even looked at him yet.

I don't really know why I wanna be alone with Fearless. I should probably just go to bed or some shit but I can't. I ain't tired and besides, Donnie's looks just about dead on his feet.

Finally, after giving him one o'my prize winning smiles he caves and trudges outta the room an up to bed. When Donnie leave the whole Lair goes quiet. I just stare at the cement floor for the longest time wondering why the hell I just sent Don to bed 'cause now I got no one else to talk to.

I start to twiddle my thumbs. Then I grab my sai an' twist it around my fingers. Damn, I'm good with fiddling with my sai when I'm board. I look down at the sleek metal that I sharpen every other day. There's blood on the bottom near the pommel, probably blood from the Dragons I killed tonight.

I love my weapons.

I start to think that it's too quiet. Of course I'm gonna think that 'cause I ain't thinking 'bout Fearless laying next to me.

I ain't thinking about Fearless and how he's hurt.

I think it's too quiet in here.

Maybe I'll get a beer after I know for sure everyone's in bed. Maybe I'll just kick back and grab a cold one an' turn on the radio. Cranking some tunes sounds 'bout right right now.

I stand up with a huff, it's the first time I've stood up in hours so my joints pop. I cram my sai back into my belt; it slides right in, like always.

I don't even think about it a second before I sit right back down in the seat next to Fearless's bed. I cross my arms and try to play it off like I just stood to stretch or something - not that anyone was in the room or nuttin'. Hell, the only otha' person in the room 'sides me is Fearless and he's out cold.

I bite my lip still refusing to look at him.

I sit there, staring at the floor, thinking about how stupid he is for jumping in the way like that for God knows how long.

Finally, I can't take it. I can hear him freaking  _breathing_ ; it's the only thing I hear.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

Sometimes his breath hitches when it gets too deep an' pulls at the stitches in his side. Sometimes his breath gets faster and it's almost as fast as when he's training and I think it's cause he's having a nightmare or somethin'.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, this is stupid. He's my brother. I look at him every damn day of my life! It shouldn't be this hard to just look at him.

So I do.

I jerk my head up to look at him and when I do I can feel the burning fury that I had squelched down inside of me flare up again. I want to hit something, to punch something, to break someone's face with my bare hands.

He's pale and dirty. His head is wrapped in bandages and so is his plastron. The white bandages - I hate them - they cover him in other places too. His wrist and ankle are tapped up in the way that it looks like they're broken.

Did he break them? I don't remember. Hell, I was too busy beaten' the guy who stabbed him to really check him over. That was Donnie's job anyway.

He is so pale, too pale. He looks the same as he did when he crashed through the window of April's apartment after being ambushed by the Foot.

He looks like hell.

I growl, "Dammit Fearless, why'd ya hav'ta jump in front of me, huh? Why ya gotta be so fucking  _selfless_?" My voice is too loud and it cracks at the end. It's not fair; I should by the one laying on that bed, not him. I wasn't paying attention to my blind side and he payed the price.

The damn fool.

It should be me lying down and him lookin' after me - like it always is.

That's how it works. That's how we roll.

I go out an' bust some heads, he stays up all night until I get home at God knows what hour. When I do get home he looks at me like he's disappointed 'cause I smell like beer, I'm smashed I'm off my face and I have blood on me or some shit. Then, in the mornings he patches me up the best he can without Splinter knowing I snuck out the night before and we go alone with our fucking fine ass day.

 _That's_  how it works,  _this_  isn't how it works.

He's fucking Fearless, people who are fearless don't get hurt.

Right?

"Yer a fucking fool," I accuse him knowing he can't hear me; he doesn't like it when I curse but I don't care. He can't hear me 'cause he's a fool.

...

Or maybe I'm the fool. Yeah, maybe I'm the idiot and the stupid turtle. This is my fault he's laying there, pale, lifeless.

I ain't going into that whole Martyr routine like Fearless but still I know, I understand that I'm the fool.

 _I'm_  the fucking fool.

I put my head on his white hospital bed and take a deep breath. I don't cry 'cause I know I ain't going nowhere, I ain't leaving his side.

'Cause I'm a Goddamned fool, but I'm the damned fool that's gonna wait up fer him to wake up even if it takes all night. Then, I'm gonna call him an idiot an' pretend I didn't just sit beside him all nights making sure he was okay, making sure he woke up. Cause if he don't wake up then fuck fearless, that means I gotta be the leader an' I gotta be the fearless one.

God knows I ain't fearless like you. I would hav'ta be the leader of our motley crew of giant turtles and an old rat and I can't do dat. I can't be the leader, that your job, that's how you roll - not me.

 _Wake up, dammit!_  It's what I wanna yell at 'em cause he ain't moving but I can't cause Donnie said I shouldn't scream at him. He specifically said "Raph, no screaming when he wakes up, it will upset him," or something like that, I don't know - I wasn't listening.

All I know for sure is Donnie told me not to yell an' he didn't call on the power of full names like Fearless always does - I don't know how I feel about that.

I look down at him. He's just layin' there wit' his head an' plastron all wrapped up like a freaking mummy.

... and he doesn't move as I grab at his hand, his cold hand. He's always cold, dammit.

Why you so cold Fearless?

He doesn't move.

So I'm gonna wait. I'm not gonna sleep. I'm not gonna leave his side cause I wanna be the first person he sees when he opens his eyes.

I'm gonna be his big brother, his protector just for tonight 'cause I know he's gonna wake up ta'morrow. He's gotta, right?

You're fucking Fearless... Right?

…

He doesn't wake up the next day and I still sit there. I sit in the God awful chair next to his bed 'cause that's what brothers do.

They wait for the others, they protect the others.

He doesn't wake up on the second day either and Donnie is confused. He doesn't understand why he's sleepin' so long.

What the fuck is happening?

I leave his side four times since I carried him home. Splinter says I should get some sleep, I don't need sleep. Hell, Fearless is getting enough sleep for the both of us.

He isn't waking up, Donnie doesn't understand.

"He must've hit his head harder than I assumed he did," Donnie whispers to himself rechecking the IV lines for the zillionth time.

"Figure out what's wrong wit' 'im Donnie!" I command thinking about Fearless an' how he had commanded me to  _not_  charge into that fight with the Purple Dragons.

I didn't listen to him cause I'm a damned fool.

On the third day I'm still sitting next to him, it's late and I'm tired. I haven't moved from his side, his bandaged side.

He moves his finger. It's just his finger, nothing big or nothin' but it's enough to get me up and yelling for Donnie to get his ass in here!

After Fearless moves is finger then his arm twitches and I scream for Donnie to get his fucking ass in here!

His eyes move next under his eye lids. At first I think it's creepy but then I don't care cause he moved!

He's moving!

I lean down and gently shake him then say his name.

His eye lids flutter a little before he finally, finally opens his eyes.

I have to stop myself from screaming Donnie's name again.

His eyes are clouded with confusion and he looks to be in pain. I ask him what he needs but he doesn't say anything. He just looks at me for a long ass minute.

Finally he says, "Hey Raphie," and he smiles at me. It's barely over a whisper but it's something, something fucking wonderful.

I sit down in the same chair I've been sitting in for three days and scoot it closer to him. His eyes are open and he's looking me over. He thinks I'm hurt.

"What happened?" He slurs touching his forehead.

"Damn," I start smiling at him because he's awake. "You're supposed to be Fearless not stupid," I remind him but I know he ain't listening now.

He doesn't say anything for the longest time, he's thinking, I can tell he is. His eyes are still glazed over.

"Just don't get in the way again, got it?" I mumble, "Don't try ta save me again. I ain't goin' through this anymore..." I trail off, I'm not looking at him anymore. I can't.

He jerks his head over to look at me, "I'm sorry Raph. I can't promise that." He's not whispering but he's talking low, "I will always jump in front of you, I will always protect you because..." He coughs, I wince, "because I'm your big brother," he finishes.

I look at him, there was no fury bubbling through me, no rage burning my insides like dry leaves.

Fearless just said he will protect me 'cause he's my big brother  _not_  because he's my Leader.

So maybe we're both fools, but we're alive.

Maybe Leonardo is the king of fucking fools but I am his second in command.

And that's fine.

As long as we stay together an' stay alive well then, I'm fine being a fucking fool.

I grab Fearless being careful not to touch the bandaged areas, "Yer a fucking idiot, Leo," I grumble into his neck.

His arms wrap about my plastron trying to return my hug at such an awkward angle, "I love you too Raph."


End file.
